Yesterday the teachers at my school took the annual faculty survey. It was computerized and had an alphabet's worth of questions (literally! There were sections A-S...) about every possible aspect of our work lives, from the quality of classroom furniture to the finer points of parent communication. After putting aside the mental itchiness that comes from squishing complex issues into checkable boxes, I added my thoughts to the common pot. As faculty surveys go, it was comprehensive, but low key.
One question, though, has been hard to get out of my mind. It was actually a statement. The survey asked me to rate the strength of my feelings on a scale from "strongly disagree" (1) to "strong agree (5) or somewhere in between.
The statement was this: I am proud to be a teacher at (this school.)
I stopped and thought about it for a long time, then put a 3. I was a little bewildered to find myself in a situation where I would put less than 5. Teaching is not the kind of thing that comes in half measures. At least it never has before. Not being proud to be at my school was a disturbing surprise, made all the more disturbing by the fact that I'd never thought about it before. It got me thinking yet again about the paradox of sustainable work vs. true vocation. Is it possible to have a genuinely satisfying job and not be consumed by it? Is it OK in the ultimate, this-is-your-life sense not to be 'strongly' proud of what you do for a living? Does less than 100% proud translate into less than 100% commitment? Is less than 100% commitment OK when you're in the business of educating children? Why bother to give only 85%? Where does that 15% go? Is it waste or bankable energy?
It's not that I'm ashamed to be at my school. Not at all. I'm pleased to be here. The kids are wonderful; most parents are very chill. The curriculum is interesting, and I have a lot of freedom to try new things. The content standards are reasonable. There is no testing pressure. I have a laptop cart in my classroom (technically I have to share it, but ownership is 9/10ths of the law...). I still work one day on the weekend and several hours after school, but am rarely emotionally spent. It's a congenial, relatively stress-free environment, and most faculty members are invested in keeping it that way. I don't judge them for this. I, too, appreciate the cozy calm.
But this doesn't inspire feelings of pride--and I feel its absence like it's a whole empty wing of my internal structure. This has been a good thing to discover and ponder because part of the reason I'm in Abu Dhabi is a desire to explore sustainable ways of being a dedicated teacher. But is the cozy calm I feel at my school what sustainability is supposed to feel like? (Because if it is, then it's not really what I'm looking for...) What does sustainability feel like anyway? Is it possible to find a school with a stronger sense of itself and its mission, or more of a connection across the community that is ALSO a healthy, sustainable work environment?
Or maybe it is not possible to have both a strong community united by a common mission and a job that is relatively stress free and congenial. Maybe it is one or the other. I would appreciate your thoughts on the short survey below. I will not ask you to fit your thoughts into checkable boxes. I will ask you to help me find the answer to these plaguing questions.
1) Is it possible to be 100% dedicated and not be consumed by your work?
2) Is it possible to have a strong community united by a common mission AND a relatively stress free, congenial and sustainable environment? If so, please give an example of such a community. If not, what is a more realistic balance?
8 years ago
4 comments:
Girl, you get a person to thinking.
I am going to have to go with No on both based on my life experience. Back in the day when I did the news thing, we were a united front- eating, drinking, working too many hours together. I was truly lucky to have the job-- it was cool! I was a stress case but sort of thrived on it. However, once the babes came along, there was just no way to continue it and be healthy. I don't know too many who can do the kind of jobs that suck you in and still have some sort of life outside of it. Wait, scratch that, I know many a divorced man.
Since I've stepped out of it I can see how life can fulfill you in other ways (and I'm not talking baby butterfly kisses or any of that foo-foo mommy talk). Must your path to happiness follow your work always?
I am totally hearing Ange. And she is the last person I would ever accuse of "foo-foo mommy talk." At the same time, is there a difference for people without kids? Is work the alternative? Is that what is left to make one feel useful? Yet, I don't have kids, and I still burned out of the all-work-all-the-time model of living. I wanted to be something more than a workaholic, though that choice came too late to save some personal relationships. Maybe my question is, if my path to happiness isn't/shouldn't be work, then what will it be? A mix of "worthwhile" activities? And, if that is the case, then teaching certainly fits the bill. I don't think anyone would argue that having kids is the only other option.
Or maybe it's simply a way of framing it. If I think I am nothing but my job, then of course I will feel drained and resentful. But if I see my job as a healthy way of channeling nurturing energies, then maybe it's OK. The work itself becomes sustaining--and that, in turn, makes it sustainable. I'll have to think about it some more...
Hmm, interesting way to phrase the question: Are you proud to be a teacher at _____? That could be taken two very different ways: 1) are you proud of yourself; or 2) are you proud of the school? Theses beg two additional questions, one for each:
With respect to yourself: how is my own teaching at this particular school uniquely an embodiment of my deepest values?
With respect to the school: is the mission of this school in keeping with my deepest values and is it fulfilling its mission; additionally, is there some way the school’s mission, given its particular context and student body, could embody my values more fully, in a way that would make me truly proud to be teaching here, and if so, what would that look like? (Okay, that’s really two questions for #2…)
As to the “is it possible to work meaningfully without killing yourself” question (I paraphrased a little,) that’s one I ask myself. I’m coming to feel that I may be addicted to “intensity,” so the question for me becomes “is it possible for me to feel I’m doing my best work when it’s not also really intense work?” How can I do this work I love and keep the “intensity” at a level that’s sustainable for my very human body? And where does the intensity come from, anyway; does it come really from the work itself or from somewhere in me – or some combination of the two? Do I look for work that is by nature intense or do I make all my work intense, because I am intense by nature…?
roberson,
the difference with the kid think for me was that when owen came along, I had to moderate myself for his own good. It felt like a requirement, not a choice, though logically, I know it is. previously, I could put myself on hold for days or even years, to reach one more goal or push a little harder. I cant do that anymore because it isn't really about me anymore.
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