I'm experiencing a new phenomenon this year as we slide ever deeper into May. It's something that has never happened to me before, and it is this: I'm aware that the last day of school is coming. It's a good four weeks away, yet there it is, on my radar. This might not strike you non-teachers as noteworthy, but for me it is highly symbolic of how much my time horizon has expanded since I moved to Abu Dhabi.
At my former school, my immediate time horizon was about an hour into the future. I had a vague understanding of how the day or week would unfold, but what I thought about was usually the next 60-90 minutes. By the time the last day of school rolled around, I was frankly a bit surprised. Not only could I not anticipate it, I couldn't conceive of it. It was simply not on the right side of the horizon. Now, I can easily glimpse an event four weeks away, and even see past it into summer. Lots of people are talking about it, counting down days. Ocanada even writes the number on her board each day. And because it's everywhere, I find myself thinking about it more and more. It's what we all do as the school year draws to a close, right? We did it as kids, and it's not a big shocker that we do it as teachers.
But it has changed my rhythm in a way that makes me a little sad. I feel drifty and rootless, as if my anchor to this school year has come loose and I'm already floating away.
Now, here's when I'm tempted to write the disclaimatory sentence about how even though I'm a little off-kilter, I'm really glad that I have more mental space to contemplate the final days of my first school year here. But if I'm going to be truthful, I have to say that I don't love this anchorless, when-will-this-year-end feeling at all. It's a weird way to end a time that has been mostly positive--it cheapens it somehow.
And it pulls my mind back to the question I've been contemplating all year: how can my life be more like a fulcrum and less like a seesaw.
So, here's something I've figured out. I don't want what I do to be "gotten over with" even if there are many wonderful weeks of vacation stretching beyond the horizon (because this is surely not to cheapen the need for rest either!) It's nice to look beyond lunchtime, but there is a middle ground, and countdowns aren't it.
8 years ago
1 comment:
Yet another fascinating reflection on your experience. And, yes, I can see how the "can't wait 'til it's over" phenomenon could make the year's work seem less valuable.
But, then, maybe it's as much about closure as anything: like when you've worked really hard on a paper and finally print it out and hand it in. Yes, there's that "thank God I'm finished" feeling, but there's also a real sense of satisfaction at the accomplishment. Maybe these can exist side by side...
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